I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
