Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
