I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
