Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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