i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize