I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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