At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
God, you're like boner-b-gone
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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