I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
