I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
