If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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