Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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