i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
