splinters make it hard to masturbate
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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