You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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