You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
