My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
