So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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