I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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