Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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