they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
did i walk over a car last night?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
