I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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