Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
