he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
