I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
