I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Did I show you my penis last night?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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