I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
