Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
