I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
