sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
