so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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