hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
