i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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