So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
