Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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