Do you still have your period?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
