So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
