I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
