it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
