Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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