he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize