I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
