wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
