When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
