Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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