My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
