I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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