I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
