I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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