Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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