every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she peed on how many people?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
