I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I need a beard to bite.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
