Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
