I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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