thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
