He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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