I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
