The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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