I will die if light touches me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
