Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
