I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
