Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
