God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
