come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
