I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
