fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
